Lawyer Well-Being: It Takes A Village
For most of my career, I neglected getting support for my emotional, mental, and physical needs. I thought - erroneously - that as a lawyer, I *should* know how to do everything on my own. I also received that messaging from many other people outside of the profession when they made comments like, “you’re a lawyer, you should know that”. Says who? Being a lawyer doesn’t give me answers to every single aspect of Life. Asking for help is a basic human need and part of what helps us feel connected with others.
Striving for emotional, mental, and physical well-being is a continuous journey especially for lawyers navigating the demands of our profession. I’ve found that I can’t make progress in these areas alone. I need support - accountability partners, therapists, coaches, friends, and family members who help me create a more balanced Life. I work with lawyers to address these areas of well-being so they’re not constantly feeling stressed, overworked, and burnt out. By looking at the way our lives are structured, we can often find more supportive ways of navigating our days; we can create a more balanced and fulfilling life.
In this post, we’ll dive into:
Rewiring negative thinking
The eternal search for work-life balance
The importance of sourcing from within
The Joys of Rewiring Negative Thinking
Much of my work in therapy revolves around rewiring my tendency toward negative thinking. It's almost comical how my brain fully believes in worst-case scenarios but struggles to entertain positive outcomes. This is a common struggle for many in our profession because of what I call “the trauma brain” and “the lawyer brain.” A trauma brain often leads to negative thinking because neural pathways have been created around negative experiences we’ve had. When these pathways get activated, it’s almost inevitable that we go to worst-case scenario thinking. The lawyer brain can behave similarly. We’ve been taught to be risk averse and we’re often around negative life situations that our clients are addressing. This can color our lens of the world and make us believe that positive outcomes are unlikely.
For example, I discovered a deeply rooted belief that I've never truly believed in my ability to make money joyfully, lovingly, and equitably. I questioned this belief, and it turned out to be false; I've indeed earned money in joyful, loving, and equitable ways. This exercise of rewriting and challenging beliefs is a crucial part of my personal and professional growth. Rewiring our thinking is possible, but often requires support.
The Lawyer's Dilemma: Balancing Work and Personal Time
Second example. Recently, I spent time in DC with my dad. I strive to minimize work during such times to honor my break fully. Despite this, I found myself tempted to schedule meetings. I had to remind myself that the best gift I could give both my dad and myself was to be present. The work will always be there; my dad will not. This wasn't an overnight shift but a process of overcoming guilt about not working.
This struggle is common among lawyers I work with whether in 1:1 coaching or group facilitation. The guilt of not working or the guilt of working when wanting to spend time with loved ones is a recurring theme. It's a healing process that requires gentleness and grace often resembling an accordion—contracting into old patterns and expanding into new insights.
Sourcing from Within: A Holistic Approach
I continually explore the concept of sourcing from within which involves meeting my own emotional needs without manipulating or demanding others to fulfill them. It's about listening to internal guidance and taking responsibility for my actions. This approach ties deeply into productivity and emotional development by aligning next steps with inner wisdom.
I work with lawyers to develop and strengthen our ability to source from within so that we can be our own source of happiness. When we source from ourselves, the expectations and limitations that others place on us become less important because we’re connected to our deeper selves and meeting the needs of our hearts.
Conclusion
Emotional, mental, and physical well-being is a continuous journey especially for lawyers navigating the demands of our profession. When we seek support to prioritize these aspects of our being, we can create a more balanced and fulfilling life.
Book a 30-minute chat with me to learn more.